happy halloween

Luke and I are getting ready to go to NYC. I'm looking forward to the cold weather, wearing scarf and a knit cap! We arrive in New York at 5:30am and can't check-in to our hostel until 12pm. It'll be interesting:). Hopefully, we'll find a nice breakfast diner to hangout for a few hours.

quotes from Lucy

June 2006 Auntie Lorelai, you're my favorite aunt
Sep 2006 Auntie Lorelai, you're my favorite aunt
Oct 2006 I miss you Auntie Lorelai

I'm beaming ear to ear:). No, I didn't bribe Lucy to say those words. I just spend a lot of time with her and always affirm her in the things she do.

family

I got into yet another argument with my family member. For some reason, they have a such a stronghold in my life. Family members know you so well(or at least they think they do) and they can break you. I had another argument with my sister yesterday. There are people in this world that I don't like. Unfortunately and sadly, one of them is Audrey. I've tried being her friend, her sister, but the bottom line is she is a difficult person to put it nicely. I don't get along with her. I'm not sure if I ever will or I even want to anymore. Part of me want to write her off, but it's hard to write off family. Life is too short to hold grudges. I try to let the past go, but I can't seem to shake our pasts. I guess what hurts more is, she continues to say hurtful things. Audrey likes to play the blame game. She points the finger so quickly. I don't want to be around her anymore. Why put myself in a place where I'm being criticized, blamed, disrespected, and distrusted? Why? I've come to realize that enough is enough. I want to be with people where I will flourish, be supported, and loved. I have to face reality, I don't see those things happening with my relationship with Audrey. I feel like I have to walk around egg shells around her. Sometimes she is in a good mood and sometimes she is in terrible mood. I don't want to be around people like that. Maybe I need to pray for patience, forgiveness. I'm not sure what, but I know after this weekend, I just like time away from her for awhile. I've decided. It's always good to put things in writing. If things change great, if not, I'm okay with it for now.

God first?

Since 2000, I haven't been that excited about God/Jesus. There was a time in my life that I was so focus on following Jesus. Now? I'm so focused on running and running faster. I find myself reading about running, listening to podcasts about running, thinking about running, and of course actually running. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm not that excited about Jesus like I do about running. I was a bit traumatized and disappointed when I went to China in 2000. I know that's part of it and I also know how I am. If I can't do something all out, then I don't really bother or I do it half heartedly, almost to the point of why even bother.

The past few months I've been thinking more and more about what it means to put God first? What does it mean to be a Christian? What does it mean to glorify and praise God? What does a life as a Christian look like? I'm not sure I can answer that for myself. I've lost the passion on trying to follow Jesus. Or maybe I'm not sure what it means to follow him? Can you have multiple passions in your life simultaneously? I'm not sure. I'm not sure I can give 100% to multiple "things."

Five years prior, I did have a skewed view of Christianity. I think in some ways I'm better off than 5 years ago, but in other ways I feel I've lost a lot. I thought Christians should be minimalist, frugal, austere. It was a hard lesson, but I learned my view of Christianity was off. There are so many ways of how people live out their life of following Jesus. I'm still confused and struggling with all of this, hence the questions above. How I live it out, I'm still figuring it out or maybe it changes like the seasons in your life.

got to love my great aunt

So my great aunt from Taiwan is visiting. She flew out to Seattle to visit Rachel and Isaac and kids. Mom went out there to meet up with her. Then they will fly back to Albuquerque for 2 weeks and then fly out to CA for a week. My great aunt is 83 years old. She is an amazing cook and was more like a grandma to us. I talked to her the other day after she arrived. One of the first few question she asked is if I've gotten fatter. I think a couple of months ago I would have gotten really pissed off, but now I try to let it go. I'm not saying it's easy to let it go, but I have to let it go. She doesn't always say the most encouraging thing. I'm not sure why she asked me this this time. Does she want to me be fatter? It sounds like she wants me to be fat, so I can be slaughter for a feast or something. Who knows? When I went back to Taiwan to visit her especially, she said in front of bunch of friends, I was most stupid in our family. I guess it's a bit comforting b/c she didn't say I was the stupid one in the family. She thought at least we were all stupid. I was really hurt, shocked, angry, and embarrassed by her comment. So, I'm kind of looking forward to her visit her, but at the same time, I dread what derogatory comment she'll make next:(.

On happy side of things, I finally took 1 module of the GIS class. GIS is amazing tool. I'm looking forward to really using it. I love maps and I love data, what a good match. Who knows what this means. And my class is going well. I did really well on my test from last week. I didn't expect to get a full score, but I did, quite happy:) and ever happier about my PR. I'm still glowing from that:).

Do miss Luke. He has been working crazy hours for the past 8weeks. We do have our "Office" date tomorrow:)

weekend get away

I had a race this morning. E., S., and I spent the night in Santa Clara. Woo hoo:). I didn't a great night's rest before the race, but I'll be resting well tonight. I drank too much water the night before. I got up at least 4 or 5 times to go the bathroom. Live and learn. It was fun walking around San Jose. Now, I can say, I've visited downtown San Jose. There are quite a lot of resturants in the downtown area. It was a fun little excursion and I got these cute t-shirts. I spent $38 on 2 t-shirts:). One that read marathon girl and another that read live, love, run:).

I love racing. Even though I get nervous and have to go to the bathroom gzillion times. I love it. I love pushing myself in a race. Like to pick another race soon!